Saturday, May 16, 2009

Changing my Routine

I woke to the sun. I had forgot to close the curtians before I went to bed and the suns warmth held me at dawn. It was comforting and hollow in the same moment. I rolled over and forced my body to get up; walked over to the mirror and stared at myself. I burst into tears. Sobbed.

Lately I feel that change is not always for the best. I know it is selfish but my heart can't help that. My mind tells me to be patient; it is for us; the best. My heart says you lost your bestfriend, lover, soulmate.

My life has changed again. I suddenly feel empty. Like part of me is missing, void. It is ironic really. It is like god is teasing me. I can see it now. He sits and watches as I climb and stumble, little chuckles at my expense. All the while I continue to entertain. Oh well. I am doing my best.

I am opening a shop outside of the house. It was sorta pushed on me at first. I like the idea now. I know it is going to be a handful because I have the kids to take with me but I know the business very well. I will be ok.

The space I am renting is across from the vet and skateboard park. It is just the perfect size and I knew this when I first seen it. I want it to be open and spacious. It makes it easier to keep clean. It will all work out in the end, I hope.

The last few days the boys have been #1. They know I am sad so I am getting lots of those "aweeeee mom" hugs. Plus, they are both playing outside ALOT. I still have thier wii put away and it seems to be working; they are getting out. Thursday evening ALL the kids played spotlight till 10:00 and I let them stay out also. Kids were everywhere, lolol. It was good for them.

I have decided to open a photoblog at wordpress. Cowboy talked me...NO,, yip, that I make it. I showed him some photos that I took when Jonathan took us to Bottle cove and Rocky Harbour;) That was it...It was demanded that I create the blog. Which I will do when I finish here. It will help get me back to me. I enjoy sharing my heart through photography. I have been thinking about my photography and how I have slacked off it. It used to be one of the only times I got to be away from everything and forget. Forget the world existed. Well it didn't. Only my world existed. Right there in the moment. I shall look for that again. So the blog will help. Like this one does.