Today my life changed. I know it did. I didn't cry hard, it comes in slow seeping spurts.
I am pinning my emotion. It is the logical side of me. It tells me it will work out, you can't change anything, life is like this. But for someone like me to pin up emotion can't be good. I fear it won't work out. Today, my mother was diagnosed with throat cancer.
It must be frustrating knowing you are sick and have no one really think much of it.
She said she had it a month ago and we didn't take her seriously. She found out today. My sister fell to the floor and has been hysterical ever since. She is carrying her second child and just got off bed rest weeks ago. I have heard mt dad is acting like everything is ok. He is using his logical side. I get that ability from him.
I fear I will fall apart and no one will pick up my pieces.
I am alone. Jonathan is at school. Life is life and it is what it is. He is there as much as he can be. He is coming June 11th for 5 days. I need him. I don't wish life away; it is too precious (as I am now truly discovering); I just wish it would be june the 11th for a month. Supporting Mom ,with no arms to hold me at night, shall be another strggle. Thank god for the net. ***Ahhh next issue....
I started to believe in god again...now i don't.
