This past weekend was a busy one for me. I worked, plus Shane's basketball team was in the Provincial playoffs. They did well until they had to play a team we all call CC. They have never beaten CC. I don't understand much about how the crossover system works or wtf ever it is called but they had gotten down to playing CC for the semi finals. They lost. The thing that impressed me was their score is usually very wide. Like 30 points diff...not this time. There was only a 12 point diff. I thought the boys played very well. They worked hard at beating these guys (CC) and didn't...but I assumed at games end they would all feel wonderful about the great try they gave. All the faces seemed very happy, except for one, Shane's.
Although he got his first basket of the year, it made no difference. NONE AT ALL. If anything i wish he had not made the basket. When the basket went in I was so proud of him and still am. But my mind is not a child's anymore. And my childhood is not Shane's. I was well liked by allot of kids; had tons of confidence. Not Shane. He has no confidence at all. I see it. I help create this. I suck. I let things go on or didn't let them go on over the years and it has affected how he looks at life...his life.
After the game he came out of the locker room with a very sad face. He was sad that they lost. I said, "YESSSSSS but YOU GOT A BASKET!!!!!!" His reply was, " So what, a foul basket and no one even touched me" . *sigh* I didn't notice. I know that all of us parents got pretty excited for him but he was right. Not one member of his team even gave him a high five. I never thought of it. I am so independent that something like that would not have even bothered me. But it bothered Shane and still is. I didn't know what to say to him about it all. He has been told he is not very sportsman like. A few times after some games where his teammates were rough housed he refused to congratulate the other team. His reason for this was..."# 23 hit Cory in the face or # 11 pushed Brady" The sad fact is that Shane is only acting this way because he wants the boys to like him and be his friend but what he fails to realize is that they would not stand up for him this way. He wants to be accepted. Being a girl and one who always follows her heart with absolute passion I have not experienced these feelings to the degree Shane is. I always fit in. It is my nature. But now I feel it. I feel his pain and it isn't good. I want to protect him from those feelings. Idk how to. Kids can be cruel without even knowing they are doing so.
I guess I should just be grateful he is no longer being beat up after school...*sigh*
